Here I go again

It’s been 3 years, 3 months, and 5 days since I last updated this blog. In that time, I lived in New York City for two months, worked on a Netflix movie (True Memoirs of an International Assassin), lost my mother to cancer, learned how to knit, took an intensive Professional Make Up class and visited 6 different countries. Even though my summary is only a couple lines long, I don’t know if you can tell it’s been an intense ride.

Right now, I have a steady job which helps me pay for therapy twice a month, a yarn addiction that has me knitting my first sweater and for all the scrapbooking supplies I’m obsessing about while taking an online class.


The year of Happy

I've always disliked the word "depression", it brings to mind paralyzing fear and no showers and never getting out of bed and people that are always alone. I'm a well-read person so I know this isn't always true but the word always makes me feel clammy and anxious and well, depressed. I like to pretend that what happens to me isn't depression, is just that I don't check where I'm going and suddenly  I fall into a black hole that's hard to get out of.

The first time I fell into a hole I was 14, between the hormones, the change of school and pretending to be someone I wasn't, the hole was a nice warm place where I didn't have to feel anything. The second time, I was in my sophomore year in college where I spent my time constantly dueling with extreme desires. The third time, I was 31 and my dreams had collapsed around me and my heart was broken in so many pieces I didn't think I'd ever climb out. This three big holes (more like craters actually) don't negate the existence of the smaller ones I've constantly tripped into throughout my life.


Everyday you learn something new

       On December 31, 2013 I decided to spend New Year’s Eve by myself.  Most of my friends were at work, my roommate had just left for New York and even though I had invites to parties I decided to stay in. I chose that night to truly think about what I wanted for myself in all aspects of my life. I’d never sat down to think about this. For years my goals were always: more money, a great title at work, become a size 6, meet a guy who was hot and rich, maybe travel the world and then I’d be happy.

When I thought about my past desires I realized why I was never satisfied so I cleaned out my list and kept the one thing I truly wanted: Be happy! But how was I going to accomplish this? The only way was by choosing to always be honest with myself. When I choose this, my entire list changed:


2014 Food Plans

I love food. I enjoy cooking but most of all I love to eat. For the past 10 years I’ve battled constantly with my weight. For about 2 years I did the Atkins diet and lost 90 pounds. I kept the weight off for two years then after some hard times I ended up gaining about 40 of those lost pounds back. Since 2011 I’ve tried just about every fad diet and every “lifestyle” change out there and I’m over it. This year I’m taking a different approach.

I just finished a five day detox,  this one wasn’t my favorite ( I’ve done 5 in the past 3 years) but  it did remind me how much I love fruit and that Juicing is really great. In all my diet testing, I learned  that bread and sugar make me feel good when I eat them but afterwards my body feels like crap for a couple of days and I don’t have much energy.  I also discovered that I can give up milk but not cheese so I want to incorporate all this factors into what I eat. My approach will be hard to label, its a little bit paleo, a little bit Atkins and a little bit vegan.

Vegan?!! I know it’s random and weird especially since I’m embracing my love for cheese and all things pork! I can’t explain it. But I am intrigued by all the things people can make without our basic baking items, like egg (LOVE THEM TOO!!!) and really putting aside the tofu and the seitan, Vegan food is really pretty.

The other day this lady I follow on Instagram @veganista_q8 posted a picture of a No Bake Triple Berry Cheesecake and it was so beautiful I really want to try it. Accounts like hers and many others on Pinterest and Instagram just have me excited about all the stuff you can do in a non-conventional way. The plus side to this is that most of this recipes are also gluten free which means they use ingredients like Almond or coconut flour and chia seeds!! All stuff that’s really healthy and low carb. I am obviously going to make changes to this recipes to make it more appealing or even easier for me but I really want to try a lot of the Vegan recipes I’ve seen on the web.

2014 is the year of embrace. I embrace, my size 10, my love of butter & cheese, my need for a burger with a bun (every once in a while), my love of pork, my love of happy hour and last but not least my recent obsession with all things Vegan. So this year I’ll try to keep my love of fruits and vegetables alive while I try to bake some low carb bread, try to perfect my pulled pork recipe and make a BBQ sauce that’s awesome but sugar free! My sister wants to start using a sugar alcohol called Xylitol  but I want to make a good recipe without it!

All I want is to try and find a healthy balance between the good for you and the just plain good while trying not to gain any weight before my trip to San Francisco where I’ll eat and drink whatever I want!!!


Another Year, Another try at this....

I first started this Journal in January 2010. I wanted this to be an outlet for my creativity and an exercise on discipline. Its January 2014, and in the past four years I've only written a blog post in January!
Its a tradition now, didn't want this month to end without giving this whole blogging thing a try, again. Thanks to +Adrielle Perdomo  for reminding me I even have this thing up!!

2014 started with a lot of changes. On January 1st I moved back home, to once again live with my parents. This time around by choice, so I think it feels a little different. I'm entering the last leg of my 35th year and Ive finally accepted that my purpose in life is searching for a purpose in life.

WHAT?!! Yes. You read correctly, my purpose is to search. Search what? I don't know. Hopefully  whatever i find during my search inspires me to blog about it.


Planning makes it easier

Last time I did the Atkins diet, I worked in the Restaurant industry so every meal I had was prepared for me.
This time around I spent a week planning a Menu for one month. After my menu was ready I went food shopping  prepped most of the meals I would use, then froze them.

I am on Day 3. So far I've followed the menu but not as strict as I thought because the portions Ive used are bigger than I needed. Left overs work really well so I haven't cooked as much as I thought.


Before, After and Now

Today I start  Atkins again
Hopefully I can go back to my 2008 weight
I will try to take a New Picture every 2 weeks
To keep track of the changes